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But lately, it seems like breweries are coming up with some varieties that seem more like a whole load of chemicals more than beer.

Let's start with MGD 64, with a claim to fame of only 64 calories (clever name, I know). So in case you missed the ads on TV, the pitch is that two woman walk into a bar, one orders an MGD 64 and the other says "I'll have 64 calories of a Margarita please". MGD 64 poster girl gets a nice full beer and Margarita friend gets a 1/4 glass of Mexican drunkenness. This is where I'd appreciate a little fast forward in the bar scene...

Let's be realistic. One hour later, Margarita girl is singing Karaoke to "Apple Bottom Jeans" dancing with some hot Latin lover, while poor MGD 64 girl is dishing out her last $20 for her 6th beer, lacking in the drunken confidence to even approach the Karaoke mic let alone steamy Latin boy.

This is where the kicker comes in that MGD failed to mention, MGD 64 only has 2.8% alcohol while the average light beer has 4.2%. And we all know where the Tequila in your Margarita stands.

Moving on, I can vouch for the good flavor in Michelob Ultra, but their advertising is even more pitiful. What happened to good old clydesdales and hot girls to advertise beer? You're not fooling me with your images of skinny active people in cute work out clothes. I know the morning after a few Mich Ultras there's no way you're getting me on a bike or hiking some mountain.

I suppose that at a long day at a football game or a party you may opt for something that you can drink a lot of before getting a solid buzz, but this is America. What hard working citizen looks forward to casually enjoying a few beers for sake of flavor. Oh, and just try and pass these things off with your most loyal consumers Miller, the college kids of America. They'll laugh in your face. We're in recession here. There's no way their going to pay for 2 beers when they can get drunk off of one.

I also think it's fair to say that in Boston you're going to get some pretty harsh criticism from your local bartender if you try to order any of the aforementioned. But just for kicks, I just may try and order Michelob Celebrate Chocolate tonight at Daisy Buchanan's.

Before you know it we're going to be seeing calorie free beer (Is this what it was like when Diet Coke got invented?). I'm dreading the day. So enjoy the classics while you can. Support our friends over at Anheuser Busch and crack open an ice cold Bud Light and enjoy the calories (and the alcohol).